Tuesday, February 26, 2008

WISHFUL SKRULL THINKIN'

Recently, New Avenger ECHO killed ELEKTRA and everyone freaked as her dead body reverted to its true form; that of a SKRULL! If Marvel says Elektra has been a skrull since her first death back in Daredevil #181 (1982), then Brilliant!!!! Frank Miller and fans rejoice!* Now the Marvel Universe is paranoid - who can you trust? Who's actually a skrull in hiding?

Marvel's upcoming event SECRET INVASION will soon reveal who within the Marvel Universe are actually SKRULLS, preparing for an invasion. Speculation is abound with fanboys. Most fans hope IRON MAN is a skrull due to his actions in Civil War. Personally I think he's legit (a dick, but legit). Bendis has also dropped hints that Jessica Jones & Baby are Skrulls. Apparently all will be revealed in Secret Invasion #1 (April 2).. But before the issue comes out, I thought I'd do a post of those characters I WANT to be Skrulls. Here goes.....

TOP 14 WISHFUL SKRULLS

WOLVERINE: I'd like the Wolverine in New Avengers and his solo title to be a skrull.
I never liked him on both the X-Men and Avengers... he's overused as is.... plus it never felt right him being an Avenger. In his solo title, his mutant powers have been vamped to the point of absurdity. In one issue, he was incinerated down to a skeleton and jumped back into action, fully healed, within a couple minutes (or was it less?). Before, it would take him a day or so to fully recover from gunshot wounds. Now he's invincible. Fuck it... let's clean house while we're at it... "Wolverine Origins" is false memory implants from unimaginative Skrull scientists.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Cap has not inspired like he should for YEARS. It's like the guy in the suit is just some shlub with low self-esteem and limited physical abilities (he's supposed to be the perfect human being, after all) Have it so the "Cap" that died was a skrull. The REAL Steve Rogers is Underground with Fury, waiting to save the day at the end of Secret Invasion. "But Cap didn't turn into a Skrull when he died, like Elektra did, Jim."....."La-la-la-la, not list-en-ingggg..." (You could also extend to say The Winter Soldier is a skrull. The character is cool, but it diminishes Bucky's death - he represented all the soldiers who didn't make it back home from WWII).

THE SENTRY: His first mini-series by Paul Jenkins & Jae Lee was awesome. And that should have been the end of it. The Sentry serves no purpose STILL since being revived in New Avengers. He's a Superman xerox of a xerox and just doesn't fit into the Marvel Universe.


MAGNETO: Would explain soooo much, especially the whole Grant Morrison chaos that I still can't figure out... Xorn... the madman in NYC... other weirdo appearances. WTF?





ANGEL: I'm a huge fan of the blue-skinned, metal-winged ARCHANGEL in the Apocalypse costume; that version is my favorite character! I would love it if they said Angel has been a Skrull since Uncanny X-Men #338 where he regained his feather wings... and soon thereafter lost the blue skin. This will also wipe clean the lame new secondary mutation that his blood can heal people.

SPIDER-MAN: "Spidey's a skrull!!" This would have been easier to swallow than the bullshit "One More Day" Mephisto crapola.






STORM: Ever since she went into the Siege Perilous at the end of Fall of the Mutants, Storm has been ever so crappy. I'd love it if she's been a Skrull since then!!!!!





CAPTAIN MARVEL: I can't believe they brought him back. He died from CANCER decades ago, man! By bringing him back, they've negated one of the most poignant stories of the Marvel Universe - even superheroes can die of disease... especially one that effects so many people. With is return, his tragic death is now negated. Yes, he's supposed to a time-displace younger version who will eventually succumb to cancer. But it still walks over the story of the past and cheapens his death. Best to leave the dead dead, Marvel. So make him a Skrull, please.

DRAX: Pre-Annihilation, someone had the bright idea to turn Drax into a crappy clich copy of RIDDICK, complete with dual knives. Please return him to his original incarnation. Vin Diesel wants his look back.




BEAST: Simply for the fact I absolutely loathe this "Cat-Man" look that Grant Morrisson and Frank Quitely turned him into. The Beast was awesome before, but now they've changed him into Ron Perlman from "Beauty & the Beast." I'd also say go ahead and make any mutant who had "Second Mutation" (ugghh) a Skrull. Fuck it, let's clean house!

JEAN GREY: She's been mishandled for decades, primarily from the 90s-to-Present. While I loved her in the early days of X-Factor, I say make it so Jean actually did die during the Dark Phoenix Saga. It was an emotional tragedy that shook the X-Men (and fans) for years. Bringing her back was a slap in the face.


REED RICHARDS: Beginning with Civil War, he's been such a TOOL.







NORMAN OSBORN: For the sole reason to stop artists from drawing him to look like Tommy Lee Jones. Why??? "er, because he was a Skrull! Yeah, that's the ticket!"





NIGHTWING: Yeah, I know he's over in DC... but he's sucked ever since Dixon & McDaniel left the book back in 2000.





---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Death of Elektra: In 1981, Elektra creator Frank Miller killed her off at the hands of Bullseye. Marvel had originally promised Miller to not resurrect the character without Miller's permission. But resurrected her anyway in the 1990s. To this day, Miller refuses to work for Marvel and does not acknowledge the "Elektra" running around in Marvel books post-death. If Marvel explains she's been a Skrull since DD#181 and the real Elektra is indeed still dead, it could prove to be a wise business decision to bring Miller back to Marvel. *shrug*. Any resurrected dead character should be revealed as Skrulls, in my opinion.

5 comments:

maker said...

yes,..please just kill wolverine off. reading his books (except astonishing) is like watching a once proud wild, free spiritrd animal limp around, mentaly, and emotionaly beaten. in a cage with a dabilatating disease. Do the humane thing marvel,...put himout of his misery.

Frank said...

Joe Quasada is still at Marvel, isn't he....?

Frank said...

Maker, yeah, then they can bring him back with magic, yeah, magic.

maker said...

well I wanted to add,..".....limping around in a cage and performing circus tricks for people...."


- and yea!!!! MAGIC MAN!!,..it has no ryme or reason,.."it's just magic!!!!"

comic guy said...

Nice choices! I would have no problem with any of them being skrulls.