GIJOE MOVIE WILL SUCK BALLS . . .

...big, hairy, sweaty, wrinkly, pimply, hippo balls.
WHY?

...Because it IS confirmed that fucking STEPHEN SOMMERS will direct the GIJOE live-action movie. One doesn't have to look far to see his shitty record thus far; MUMMY, MUMMY RETURNS and VAN HELSING. Yes, I include both Mummy movies. Sorry, but they sucked ass. And Van Helsing was downright criminal. After that anus-boil, he should have been BANNED from ever making another film again. And now, they've given him fucking GIJOE. What the hell? Why not someone who's, say, capable and with talent? Off the top of my head: Doug Limon (Bourne Identity), Ridley Scott (Black Hawk Down), Paul Greengrass (Bourne 2&3)... or even Louis Leterrier (Transporter 1&2) or Len Wiseman (Die Hard 4) would be better than Sommers. Shit, fucking Brett Ratner (Rush Hour) would be better than Sommers. I expect this flick to be along the lines of STREET FIGHTER. ARGH!!!!!

Here's a taste of what to expect:


God, this news makes me want to scorch the earth barren.
Paramount has just ass raped my inner child.
Thanks, dickheads.

(source)