Today's "Villain of the Day" is LO PAN!!!!**from Big Trouble In Little China. Hel-lo!
(Written by guest writer, Dylan!)
"Tall guy, weird clothes. First you see him then you don't."
Ten foot road block or little old basket case on wheels, Lo Pan is one bad mamma jamma. Defeated by the first sovereign emperor of China (in 272 B.C. to be exact), the wizard Lo Pan was cursed with "no flesh". His flesh and bones were atomized; he became a dream. In order to regain his natural form, he had to find a green-eyed girl and marry her. This would appease Ching Dai, the God of the East -- Lo Pan's patron -- but in order to appease the emperor, Lo Pan would then have to sacrifice this woman. 2270 years later, David Lo Pan is a king; a warrior, entombed in an old man's crippled body. "Now this really pisses me off!"
This Mofo is one serious villain in terms of having a master plan -
Godfather of Little China; Chairmen of the National Orient Bank; Owner of the Wing Kong Import/ Export Co. (a most dangerous cut-throat den of madmen). Backed by his own private army, a trio of powerful sorcerers (the 3 Storms: Thunder, Rain and Lightning), and several supernatural monsters, Lo Pan is the de facto ruler of Chinatown.
Described by his peers as "a creature of dark, destructive power...with light coming out of his mouth", Lo Pan is armed with unheralded magical power in his 7 foot tall ghost form and a wicked case of molting in his human form. He enjoys flaying the flesh off people, cackling and threatening various Chinese Hells. Having no use for conventional weapons, Lo Pan's razor sharp pinky nails are nothing to be taken lightly. Plus, any man that uses a large nail to hold his hat on, doesn't know the meaning of fear. With nearly impossible relationship standards (green eyes, burning blade, savage heart, needle of love, etc.), countless enemies and bastard sorcerers with their 6 demon bags (full of wind, fire, all that kind of thing) to contend with, Lo Pan's evil giggle knows no bounds.
Oh yeah, and for all you wise guys out there who are saying, "Hey! Wasn't Lo Pan killed?", I got one thing to say to that. Obvious tacked-on Hollywood ending!! I mean, come on! An all powerful wizard beaten by a truck driver with good reflexes? I can suspend my disbelief for only so long.