SIMPSONS TEASER IS OUT!

We have confirmation.
Repeat: We have confirmation!
BryDev just called me from a Boston Theater to inform me that in front of ICE AGE 2 there was in fact a teaser trailer for The SIMPSONS MOVIE!!!! Yay!!!!!!

Thank you, Bry!!!!
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*note: knowing Bry, he did NOT call from inside. He's not one of "those people".

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS WEEKEND

Don't forget to change your clocks this weekend!

SPRING FORWARD,
which means we lose an hour. BAH!

FINAL BATTLE DARTH MAUL

source.

SLITHER CLIPS ONLINE

SLITHER hits theaters today, baby!

Click here to watch 3 R-rated clips from the movie.



"Tha' wurrms awr in ther' brayns!"
Oh man, I can't wait!

BTW, Rottentomatoes has SLITHER rated at a tasty 90% today!!!!

REDNECKS R FUNNY

Click here to watch a funny video about Rednecks.
Awwwww, yeeeehhhh!



"It's funny because it's true....."

-- Homer Simpson.

VOLTRON

"Form Blazing Sword!!"
Check it out, my fellow 80s Gen Geeks! Come September, we'll have box sets of VOLTRON: DEFENDER OF THE UNIVERSE!!
Sweet. A bit more here.
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*thanks, Melchy!

SNAKES ON A BLOG

Snakes On A Blog!!
Check it out here.

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*thanks, WooSpace!

MORE BARKER HELLRAISER ! !

YES!!! Clive Barker is finally returning to the Horror genre and writing a sequel to his novella "The Hellbound Heart", entitled "The Scarlet Gospels." The Hellbound Heart was the book which the film HELLRAISER was based upon. Barker says this sequel, set to be 3,000 pages, will be the demise of Pinhead. The premise brings Pinhead together with Harry D'Amour, the detective character from Barker's Lord Of Illusions.

"I decided to set these two characters versus one another and make a Dante-esque descent into Hell," Barker said. "How can I bring him [Pinhead] to his final act without first taking him, taking my readers through what that system is - in other words, taking them down to Hell and showing them what the Order of the Cenobites are and where he belongs in them and what the consequences of rebellion on his part might be, and so on and so forth... I need to create for Hell the kind of scheme of power and domination and hierarchy, the kind of Byzantine goings-on which I think people find have such fun, have such fun with elsewhere in my fiction."

He also elluded that the "Hellraiser World" from Hellraiser III and on really aren't his vision, and like I've always felt, discard them. They truly are atrocious. Man, I can't wait!!! There is no other who writes like Barker, especially his horror. Hellbound Heart was refreshingly unique and the first 2 Hellraiser movies are fucking awesome. If you haven't seen them, I suggest renting HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER II. All you really need from the first one is recapped in the beginning. The Hellraiser World and characters (CENOBITES!!!) are genius. More here.

SIR TOM JONES, PUSSYCAT

TOM JONES was Knighted today.
No word if women's panties were thrown at him during the ceremony.

Click here to sing along with Sir Tom Jones!

"It's not unusual, to be knighted by the Queen! Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh!"

STAR TREK EXETER

Never underestimate the power and drive of Star Trek fans. Sure, you'll see an impressive (most impressive) fanmade STAR WARS film here and there. But Trekkies will go beyond the normal obessessed-nerd mark and boldly go... well, you get the idea. Case in point are the fine folks who produce their own old school STAR TREK episodes! Set during the same timeframe as the original Trek, this "show" documents the adventures of the starship EXETER and crew! Once you get beyond the "whoa, hardcore nerds" aspect, the show is really quite fun and impressive for fanmade fare. It looks and feels very similar to the old 60s show. Even the fx are on par than the original. They don't appear to be trying to modernize the tone at all, which is nice. (Atleast that's how I took it. Maybe they were trying really hard to make the fx rock?) So far it looks like they have 2 completed episodes, which you can view/download for free here. Check it out sometime (ie NOW!!!!). If you're a Trek fan, you'll love em. Otherwise, you'll either dig em or scoff with frightening laughter. Either way, its entertaining!

Space.
Endless.
Silent.
Waiting.
awesome. hahahaha

The Klingons.... price of admission right there, man.
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*found this gem over at Jen's. Thanks, Jen!

SHATNER OF A DOWN

JIM WISH #04827:
SHATNER SINGS SYSTEMS OF A DOWN

Oh Mighty Shatner! Ascend to yet another level of pure genius for the Masses! Please, on your next album, cover System Of A Down's "NEEDLE". Imagine the glorious possibilities of hearing that song sung only how Shatner can sing it! Below are excerpts from the song. Imagine, baby! Imagine!!! It would be SPECTACULAR!!!!
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I cannot deny
All the evil traits
And the filling of the crates
When you, do come out
And you slither up to me
In your pimpin majesty
But I cannot grow
Till you eat the last of me
Oh when will I be free
And you, a parasite
Just find another host
Just another stool to post
Cause you
My tapeworm tells me what to do
You
My tapeworm tells me where to go
Pull the tapeworm out of your ass, hey
Pull the tapeworm out of your ass, hey
Pull the tapeworm out of your ass, hey
Pull the tapeworm out of your ass, hey
Pull the tape worm out of me...
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Complete lyrics here.
Thanks, TED!!!!!

CONSUMER WHORE

Speaking of total Sellout Corporate Whores.... What is up with Tom Hanks?
I hate to turn this blog into a celeb bashing forum, but this one's really on me brain. First, Hanks did the 2 hour commercial for AOL and Barnes & Noble with the craptastic "You've Got Mail", a multi-layer insulting film turd in its own right. Then he did the FEDEX commercial "Cast Away." Now, he's doing (I shit you not!) "How Starbucks Saved My Life" where he loses his big time business job and ends up working at Starbucks. What the hell? Next just have a porn of Hanks taking it up the ass by a group of corporate suits as he counts his money. Money Shots, that is. Ugh, what happened to you, Tom?

THOR: GOD OF POOP

Marvel has no dignity. They sell out their properties to anyone with a paycheck. Why not instead say "Hey, these are our characters. You want to use them, there are some rules and guidelines that cannot be changed." But no, instead they sell out their characters and we get such diarrhea films as Hulk, Fantastic Four, Daredevil and Elektra. The newest abomination and slap in the face? THOR starring John Travolta's nephew Rikki Lee Travolta. First, if your name is "Rikki Lee" you and your parents must be destroyed for being the douchebags that you are. Second, look at this chode! Are you telling me he's the one guy that beat all the other possible choices to be the NORSE GOD OF THUNDER, SON OF ODIN? Please, he looks like an illegitimate love child of Fabio and Gary Busey.
Argh, JIMSMASH!!!!!!!!

WANNA BE A SUPERHERO?

Okay, fanboys! Get your Comic Convention costumes out of the closet! Stan Lee is co-producing a new reality show entitled "WHO WANTS TO BE A SUPERHERO?" The winner will have their superhero persona immortalized in a new comic book created by Stan. In addition, the winner will also appear in an original SCI-FI Channel movie. A sure way to get chicks, I'm sure! Click here for more info. Maker, I expect to see you in the Finalist's Round.

BIF! BAM! POW!

Sweet, snagged this from over at WooSpace. It's a website with all the many ginchy sound fx from the 60's Batman TV Show. Click here to see em.

My all-time favorite sound fx, though, was from a GIJoe comic in the early 80s of an explosion:

BITCH-BOOM!!!!!!!!!

KONG ARRIVES ON DVD

In honor of KING KONG being released on DVD today, I present to you a pic of the upcoming bust statue of OPTIMUS PRIMAL; based off the Transformers: Beast Wars line. Why this instead of talking about Kong? Because the movie isn't worth it. So for all of you who are buying/renting Kong today, take some helpful advice: Skip the first hour and start once they are on the Island. Fast forward through the "Brontosaurus stampede" scene (long and unimpressive), go get a drink during the Bug scene (its long) and when they leave the Island I suggest fast forwarding stopping only at the cool Kong scenes. Ok, really, just stop once they leave the island. I just saved you 2 hours. Maybe Jackson will release a Kong Special Edition like he did with the Lord of the Rings.... except with 2 hours less footage.

DEATH OF CHEF

I hope everyone saw last week's SOUTH PARK Episode where they killed off Chef after he was brainwashed by the Super Adventure Club (Scientologists). The whole episode was truly awesome, but his death scene was fantastic!
Click here to watch said death scene.

"Maybe...maybe he's still ok. No really. They say the last thing you do before you die is crap your........."

If only the clip included Chef's resurrection as Darth Chef.
Oh wait! Here it is!
Catch the full episode on Comedy Central this week when you can!

I LOVE that the South Park dudes are taking on Scientology! And doing a hell of a job, too!

BLOGGER'S BEING A BITCH

Blogger's being a bitch today (there's a first! hmph). Or maybe its my machine. Regardless, posting today is pretty much impossible, especially if I want any pics posted. So please bare with.

LEONARDO DICAPRIO IS P-WHIPPED

Leonardo DiCaprio is an idiot. Why? Because he is selling his Star Wars collection. Click here to see and bid. What the hell is he thinking? He must have gotten a new girlfriend. They tend to make your cool stuff disappear quickly.

OCEAN'S SHITTY MOVIE

Warner Bros is making another sequel to the remake OCEAN'S ELEVEN entitled "OCEAN'S THIRTEEN." In the name of all that's holy and good in the world, WHY???? I'm a fan of the original Ocean's 11 as well as the remake several years ago. But Ocean's 12 was one of the worst movies I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. Good lord that movie was insulting and painful!!! And now they are making another one? It's very existence defies the Natural Order and therefore it must be destroyed at all cost.

JIMSMASH.BLOGSPOTKEEPS YOU REGULAR & HEALTHY

PRAISE BE OUR HOLY GODDESS

HOLY CRAPOLA!!!
YESTERDAY I posted asking all of you to buy me a PSP so I could then watch ALIEN on it. Well today, T-Rex called (she's visiting Papa Rex) and informed me that YESTERDAY he bought her a PSP!!! Hell yeah!! Oh, thank you GODDESS ALIEN QUEEN!! I knew my many prayers and loyal worshipping of you these past 20 yrs was not in vain. Oh, the naysayers, non-believers and heathens scoffed and ridiculed me. But who's laughing now? Huh? Where's your God and your PSP, infidels, huh?!!! Oh, er...got off topic a bit there. Anyway, how crazy and cool is that?! I shall soon be watching ALIEN on a sweet PSP soon (no thanks to you JimSmash readers, no less. Thanks for nothing, btw). "But Jim, don't you have ALIEN on Beta, Vhs, laser disc and dvd?" Um, yes, but not on the PSP.
Hel-lo!

STUBBS THE ZOMBIE

Screw playing video games where you battle your way through hordes of mindless, brain-eating zombies for survival.
Instead, BE a mindless, brain-eating zombie creating a legion of the undead!!!!! Check out the PC game "Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without A Pulse"!!!!
Click here for screenshots and review. Brainssss....brainsss....BRAAA-INNSSSSSSSssssssss!!!!
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*thanks, Jason!

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE

Good news and bad news:

BAD NEWS: The Russian Government collected intelligence from sources inside the American military command as the U.S. mounted the invasion of Iraq, and fed that information to Saddam Hussein on troop movements and plans.

GOOD NEWS: With Russia our soon-to-be enemy once again, we will once more have cool villains to fight, particularily in Rambo, Rocky and James Bond films.... as well as Captain America comics.

More here.

COMIC SPOTLIGHT: MARVEL ZOMBIES

There's a really fun comic mini-series out right now called MARVEL ZOMBIES. What a great name as loyal Marvel fans have always been referred to as "Marvel Zombies". One of the fun aspects of the series is the cover art, which depicts a classic Marvel cover but zombiefied out. And each reprinting has a new cover.
Click here to see em!

SYNOPSIS: Parallel Marvel Universe where a zombie virus hit. Within 24hrs, it has spread across the entire globe. All (most) that remain are the super powered people who had the advantage to survive over regular humans and feed feed feed. When hungry, they are full fledged zombie eating machines. However, after they feed, they return once again to semi-normal rational thinking and feelings. Spiderman/Peter Parker always flips out and goes on a guilt driven maddening rant after his mind becomes clear from a feeding; he ate Aunt May and MJ! Unfortunately for the heroes, the hunger comes back very quickly, so they don't have much time to think of a way for a cure. Plus, since everyone's pretty much dead or a zombie themselves, the food supply is extremely short - there ARE some remaining mutants & humans around trying to survive, led by Magneto. It's written by Robert Kirkman, who's kicking ass in his regular zombie book "The Walking Dead." The book is a great zombie marvel comic! It's more FUN than say "Horror". So if you're into Marvel Comics and you like Zombies, this book is for you! The story actually began in Ultimate Fantastic Four #21-23 which then led into the Marvel Zombies mini-series (but it's NOT an Ultimate title). The series is 5-issues long with #4 being the latest issue on the stands.

SNAKES ON A PLANE RESHOOTS ! !

Behold the mighty might of the Internet! Due to the whacky buzz for Snakes On A Plane from dorks on the Net, New Line Cinema has greenlighted 5 more days of reshoots! The reshoots are not to fix any problems but instead are intended to make the film more hardcore and change the rating from PG-13 to rated-R. More gore, more nudity and more cursing. er, more nudity? The film takes place on a PLANE! Also, fans have demanded Samuel L. Jackson say "We got muthafuckin' snakes!!" and yep, they shot that scene! Sweet. So far, this is the movie I'm looking forward to the most. Will it suck? Yep. But hopefully it will be spectacular and an instant cult classic! Fingers crossed!

Also, check out these Snakes On A Plane tshirts!
Here, here and here.
...and somewhat related news: yikes!!!!

KEVIN'S SWEET JASON VS ALIEN DRAWING

Aint-It-Cool-News had a "Jason Voorhees Premium Format Sideshow Statue Contest". The contest was for the best submitted artful depiction of Jason fighting someone or something. Well, my friend Kevin came in 2nd!!!! He's a fellow ALIEN obsessed fan, so I wasn't suprised at all with his drawing (pic posted; click to enlarge). Congrats, Kevin!!

More runner-ups here.

SPIDEY 3 FAN TEASER - VENOM ! ! !

If you haven't already seen, here are 2 really neat FANmade teaser trailers for Spiderman 3. The Venom shots are from various movies such as ALIEN 3, Underworld and Spawn. Pretty cool.


Click these links to watch (let the gifs load first):
Teaser 1
Teaser 2
Teaser 1 again (message board where orig posted)
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*thanks, Dylan!

ON ME BRAIN: 13 RAD THINGS

I present to you 13 Generally Rad Things (in no particular order):

ROBOTS
MONKEYS
DEMONS
PIRATES
HYBRIDS
NINJAS
EVIL TWINS
ZOMBIES
SPACESHIPS
BARBARIANS
SHARKS
JETPACKS
SHATNER

Of course, these can be mix-and-matched for super combos.
For example: Robot Zombie-Monkeys with Jetpacks fighting Evil Twins of Ninja Shatner.
Cool.

TODAY'S "WHAT THE FUCK?!!!"

Today's WHAT THE FUCK? goes to the Capla Kesting Fine Art Gallery in Brooklyn, where they have given Britney Spears her very own "Pro-Life Monument". The asinine life-sized statue celebrates the recent birth of Spears' hillbilly spawn, Sean, and applauds her decision of "placing family before career". Gallery co-director Lincoln Capla says, "A superstar at Britney's young age having a child is rare in today's celebrity culture. This dedication honors Britney for the rarity of her choice and bravery of her decision." What the fuck ever. The official name of the ridiculous statue is "Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston." Look at this thing? Does that make you think of pro-life or pro-family? It looks more like a tribute to a butt porno; "Back Door Hillbilly Adventures, Volume 9: Ready To Drop".
Where to begin in expressing the many many reasons why this pisses me off.....fuck it: JIM SMASH!!!!!!

RANCOR STATUE - IP

Dig these In Progress pics of Gentle Giant's new upcoming RANCOR statue! Narly. You know the drill: click on image to enlarge.

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*thanks, GentleGiant!

SNAKES ON A PLANE LOGO

Behold the official
Snakes On A Plane logo!

Personally, I prefer the homemade version; here.

SOMEONE KILL SKYNET ! ! !

Will someone please fucking kill Skynet so it stops sending Terminators back in time and giving us more Sequels?! Producer Mario Kassar said that Schwarzenegger is set to return for Terminator 4. "T4 does have a script and all we need is Arnie to finish his term and step in front of the camera and play his trademark role," Kassar said. Nick Stahl, the star of T3, is expected to return, although his costar, Claire Danes, has announced she's too smart and classy to return herself.

Seriously, do we a)need another Terminator movie, especially after the turdtastic T3? and b)does fucking Arnold have to be in it? Are you telling me all Terminators are that particular model and version? Plus, Arnold is 60 years old. Why not cast Charlton Heston as the Terminator? Really, if STALLONE was the new Terminator (ugh), I'd be more inclined to see T4. As is, and once again, Hollywood has taken something pure and awesome and exploited the ever-loving-shit out of it, molding it into a pop culture package of poop. STOP!!!!!!!!!!

ALIEN ON PSP

Damnit! Was in Best Buy yesterday and happened to see on the shelf: ALIEN for the PSP. Now, me being the totally insane obsessive ALIEN fan that I am, I must now have it. So everyone please chip in and buy me a PSP so I can watch ALIEN on it!!!!

If ALIENS had been available yesterday, I wouldn't be JimSmashing today - I'd be watching ALIENS on my new PSP!!!!

It's a sickness.

SHATNER TURNS 75

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
WILLIAM SHATNER !!!!







He turns 75 today.







"He truly is,
King of Kings."

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* Whoa, almost missed this one today - Wednesday, March 22

ROBOTECH: SHADOW CHRONICLES

Hey all you ROBOTECH fans out there! Click here to view the trailer to the upcoming ROBOTECH: SHADOW CHRONICLES!


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*thanks, Melchy!

FAVORITE COMIC COVER

Thought I'd share with you my favorite comic book cover:
Green Lantern/Green Arrow #85
In this issue, Green Arrow makes the disturbing and shocking discovery that his Ward and Sidekick, Speedy, is a heroin junkie!

Also, it's drawn by the legendary penciller NEAL ADAMS, who pretty much is attributed to bringing Batman (&comics) into the realm of cool realism during the 70s. I had the fortune to get him to sign this issue last year at the San Diego Comic Convention. I'm a big dork.

** Click image to enlarge! DO IT, YOU!!**

THE LEPRECHAUN OF MOBILE, AL

Words cannot properly describe what you are about to see.

Click here to see news coverage of the Leprechaun in Mobile, Alabama!!!

The sketch artist's rendition almost made me piss myself!!!

ECOLOGICAL FOOTPRINT QUIZ

Ever wondered how much "nature" your lifestyle requires? This Ecological Footprint Quiz estimates how much productive land and water you need to support what you use and what you discard. After answering 15 easy questions you'll be able to compare your Ecological Footprint to what other people use and to what is available on this planet.
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*thanks, M!

RANT: PLEASE RETIRE "...GOES TO 11"

".......goes to eleven!"
The next person who uses the Spinal Tap quote gets my foot up their ass. I'm serious. I'm am SOO fucking sick and tired of hearing this. What's worse, is when the douchebag says it then looks around with that stupid arrogant grin searching for both laughs and praise as if he/she was the first person ever to use that quote to describe something. Don't get me wrong here. I love the quote and the demented minds of Spinal Tap are geniuses. ".....goes to eleven" has actually been in our own vocabulary since the early 80s. I'd still break it out every once in awhile in the 90s, but usually to blank stares from people who either forgot about Spinal Tap, or had never seen it. But, those who DID get it enjoyed it because it was an obscure reference. Now I'm sounding like I invented it. No, I'd laugh when others did it, too. But my point is those moments were few and far between, often years in between. It was a fun, "inside joke" to an obsure movie from 1984. But somewhere in the late 90s/early Tweens, Spinal Tap had a resurgence in American culture. Hey, cool. The more Tap fans out there the better. Unfortunately I hear "....goes to eleven", on average, 4 times a week. 4 TIMES A FUCKING WEEK!!! And each time is followed by that moment of "pat me on the back for being so ingeniously funny! I just came up with that!" When newscasters, politicians and grandmas are using it, its past time to retire it, ya know? So let's all join hands and whenever we hear someone describe something as "going to eleven", kindly push your shoe up their anus, preferably with abundant physical force. Not just a normal ass kicking, mind you.....take it to eleven.
ARGH!!
JIMSMASH!!!!!!

QUICK GEEK NEWS

* The Simpsons movie is apparently in production and has been "for awhile." Harry Shearer has said they are already recording dialogue for it. Huh? How did this fly under the radar?



* Gary Oldman has signed on for Harry Potter 5, reprising his role as Sirius Black! It was reported earlier that he (actor wise atleast) had been cut from the film. Nice. However, I don't think his character or his character's impact to the story thus far in the movies has been established well enough for his role in the 5th outing to have any real meaning. Think they dropped the ball on that one, unfortunately. READ THE BOOKS!!!!

* In addition to the X3 flop, FOX is going to make a WOLVERINE movie starring Hugh Jackman and most likely directed by Brett Ratner (X3, Rush Hour 1&2). Oh, and its going to be a PREQUEL, so they'll have fun throwing in new crap to his history to further ruin the character that at one point in time (70s/80s) was one of the coolest characters of comics. Don't get me wrong, Jackman did a commendable job as Wolverine. But I don't trust Hollywood enough to NOT add some lame shit to his history, which is already being crapped on a bit in the comics.

* Rumors are still flying around that the Wachowski Brothers (Matrix) are being pursued to direct KING CONAN. Schwarzenegger would reprise the role if he doesn't win the next CA governor election. Other rumors are the Wachowski Bros would PRODUCE it and bring back John Milius to direct it, which would be sweet as he directed the FIRST Conan movie. Of course, OTHER rumors are the Wachowskis clashed with Milius and he's no longer in the picture at all. So who the fuck knows what's really going on with this?