Well, it finally happened - the time came during vacation when Jim submitted to watching the Fantastic Four movie (which he had boycotted and avoided like the plague). While not nearly as bad as I had imagined, it still sucked really really bad! Not "Batman & Robin Bad" or "Catwoman Bad", but really really bad nonetheless. I could go off and write a multi-volume book series on all the many reasons why this movie blew donkey cock, but I'll spare us all with that. Instead...TEN quick reasons why it was POOP:
1) Horse Whip the Casting Crew. Who the frell cast this movie? Johnny was great, but the rest were TERRIBLE choices! I can buy Chiklis as Ben, but that's it. Jessica Alba as Sue? JIM SMASH!!!!
2) Mr Fantastic is NOT MADE OF RUBBER!!!!!
3) Victor Von Doom does not go up in space with the four, let alone get powers! Ugh.
4) The Thing is NOT MADE OF FOAM
5) Reed Richards is smart, people. Like scary-smarter-than-Einstein-smart. How about showing that in the character? No? ok.
6) Help me out here to understand something - The 4 can't get through the police barracade, so they have Sue do a ridiculous strip tease, go invisible, and sneak through. Um, then the remaining 3 just walk around and meet her on the otherside? Why did she have to go invisible again?
7) "Fundamentally altered our DNA." Hey, a new drinking game! Drink when ever they say this! The writers put this in whenever they want the characters to sound smart.
8) Reed's machine cures Ben? What? Oh, and then Ben jumps back in and shazam, he's The Thing again? I'm not even going to into this one, otherwise I may go into a killing frenzy of hate.
9) Doom is just some smug punk business man? What about the leader of Latveria? What about having testicles? "This mask is a gift from the people of Latveria". *sigh*
10) I have to put down the horrible casting again. To give you an idea of how OFF the casting was, here is my new IMPROVED FF casting choices:
REED RICHARDS - Erkel, from Family Matters
SUE STORM - Martin Lawrence's Big Momma
THE THING - The Michelin Man
DR DOOM - Number 5, from Short Circuit
JIM SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!
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3 comments:
Great review. I agree wholeheartedly.
I was trapped on an airplane and figured, "Why not?" Well, I wish I had gnawed on the dandruff covered head of the grandpa in front of me cuz that *might* have made me want to barf almost as much as FF did. GACK
Jeeze, it was NOT that bad. I actually had low expectations for it, and while it had some flaws I thought that overall it was entertaining. Chickless made a great Thing, and the guy who played Doom was quite good too. Alba... well I thought that was a bad choice. And sure, it wasn't 100% accurate to the comics, but neither are Spider-Man 1 & 2 or X-Men 1 & 2, but people LOVE those movies. They had a story and pulled it off. I thought they did ok with the effects, and with making the story seem "real." You just don't like any movies but Star Wars, Jim.
"You just don't like any movies but Star Wars, Jim"
Ouch! hahahaha
but I asked for that!
:)
Perhaps I was a bit too hard in my review, but I still stand by it. I place it middle of the road for superhero movies. It wasn't as good as say Batman Begins, but it also wasn't as bad as Batman & Robin or Catwoman.
Overall, the story was too simple and weak and the casting was poor. Everything else was just fun nitpicking. Sorry if I came across too much like a prick.
And I'm actually more of an ALIENS psycho fanatic, than Star Wars. I've just got Star Wars on the brain this past year for various reasons I won't go into.
Lisa, what're are your favorite Comic Book movies? Worst?
:)
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