THE 7 WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS

Before we begin, let it be known that I LOVE Christmas Music. It usually goes on in my car the week before Thanksgiving (or earlier).

With that said, there are a handful+ songs that are nails on the chalkboard for me. Granted Number 1-2 are the real offenses, but I needed a LIST. So #3-7 are a bit tongue-in-cheek.

THE 7 WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS

#7: LITTLE SAINT NICK, by The Beach Boys



I actually like this song, so put the fruit cake brick down. But there's one line that always gets me and makes me laugh with slight annoyance: "Christmas comes this time each year", sung by background singer Captain Obvious. I picture him standing in the back, standing askew singing the lyric - he's Steve Carell in 'Anchorman'.

__ #6: CHRISTMAS WRAPPING, by Waitresses



I hesitated including this song on the list because I can actually listen to it through to the end. But as I was trying to decide, it came on the radio and my eye twitched. It sounds like someone flatly reading off a list into a karaoke machine microphone at The Sharper Image. It starts off fine, but about 20 seconds in, I've had my fill.

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#4: DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS, by Band Aid



"But Jim, how can you hate a song about giving aid to starving people?" Here's the thing: While the intent is there, and the song is... okay..., there's a Missionary aspect to it that pisses me off.

Lyrics: "Do they know it's Christmastime at all?" and "Let them know its Christmastime again".

You know, you can help others without pushing your religion on them. Just be good. Help others.

And the tone is just so condescending. "Pity those poor starving people who don't even know its Christmas!" 

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#3: RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER, by Dean Martin



I love Dean Martin and I love 'Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer', but my god do I hate his version. Sure, Dean Martin always sounds like he's a bit tipsy - most songs you can mentally picture him singing with a fresh cocktail in hand. It's part of his charm. But with this rendition, he sounds drunk. But its the referring of Rudolph as "Rudy" throughout that really annoys the shit out of me. Go home Dean, you're being an ass.

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#2: LAST CHRISTMAS, by Wham!



I know I'm going to get a ton of flack for this one, but Oh Holy Fuck, how I hate this fucking song which IS NOT A CHRISTMAS SONG. It's a Jaded Lover's Song, by someone who a) has poor judgment and b) does not learn from their mistakes. They give their heart to some piece of shit who gives it away the NEXT fucking day. Do they learn from this? No. The NEXT year they are not only still hung up on it, but they have plans to give their heart to someone yet AGAIN. You don't HAVE to give it away! But sure, I'm confident THIS time the person will be special. I look forward to next year's song.

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#1: SIMPLY HAVING A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS TIME, by Paul McCartney



Simply the worst fucking song ever written and recorded. It's downright unlistenable. "Last Christmas" would be my #1 if  not for this abysmal assault on the ears and soul. This is what happens when you let Paul write music with John. Fuck this song!

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I'll post my favorite Christmas Songs soon....!