BERSERKER EWOKS STATUE

EWOKS get a bad wrap. Most fans know them as the adorable "Teddy Bears" in "Return of the Jedi", but in reality they are anything but (thankfully the Rebels were lucky with their encounter!)....

Although they may appear to be simple woodland creatures, Ewoks are highly organized, immersed in mysticism, extremely ceremonial in their practices, and very skilled at building, hunting, and trapping. While cute in appearance, they are also ferociously vicious, territorial creatures. Indigenous Tribes & Villages of the forest moon of ENDOR have long stayed away from the Dark Forests of the Ewoks, where echoes of howls & drums resignate throughout the night. These Indigenous Tribes use Ewoks as lessons for their children to mind their parents & elders. And tell their young terrible tales of horror at night to ward their young from straying too far from home.

When induced into rage, Ewoks become little living nightmares. If you are unfortunate enough to find yourself in the path of a berserker fueled Ewok(s), may The Maker grant mercy. If caught, Ewoks will skull-fuck you to death, rape all orafices (pre-existing and ewok-made), eat your flesh and sew your skin into their clothing. And if you're very very lucky, they'll do it in that order.

"....in the Rancoric modern towers and pinnacles that rise blackly Coruscantian under Endor moons, I had found instead only a sense of horror and oppression which threatened to master, paralyize, and annihilate me. I now felt gnawing at my vitals that dark terror which will never leave me till I, too, am at rest; "accidentally" or "otherwise."

- excerpt from the journal of an unnamed Imperial Trooper.

SideShow has made a statue depicting a poor Stormtrooper's demise:

$250 here

*thanks for the assist, Maker!