Thursday, May 07, 2009

STAR TREK WEEK: RATING THE MOVIES

Here's a rundown of the STAR TREK movies (original crew/cast) in order of my own personal preference; 6 being the worst, 1 being the bestest!):

6) THE FINAL FRONTIER (PT V)
* THE GOOD: The crew are back in the Enterprise - a new version. Kirk vs God!

* THE BAD: Everything else. Don't even bother with this one.

* THE UGLY: "Row-row-row your boat, gently down the stream...."

and I swear that Asskicker Female Klingon is Ma'am, Webster's foster mom:
....ahem, moving on....
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5) THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK (PT III)
* THE GOOD: Young Spock! Sexy Saavik ! Teenage Spock & Sexy Saavik doing it Vulcan style! Klingon Bird of Prey! Kirk's son gets stabby-stabbed to death! And sexy female Klingon, Valkris!

* THE BAD: Chrisopher Lloyd as the main Klingon villain? Really?

* THE UGLY: Klingon Pooch.
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4) THE VOYAGE HOME (PT IV)
* THE GOOD: Overall story is fun with some truly funny parts; "Where are your nuclear vessels?" Oh, and the brilliant part - while very dated, it totally works because they time-travel back to 1986! It's so accurate!

* THE BAD: They ham it up a bit too much. Plus it's all set in 1986; no space ships. no aliens. Just smog and bad hair.

* THE UGLY: Spock's white bathrobe and matching sweat band over his ears.
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3) THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY (PT VI)
* THE GOOD: Cool mythos development; the New World order and the Fear of Change it brings with it. Plus, a crazy patch-wearing Klingon captain in a Bird of Prey, and floating pink Klingon blood in anti-grav!

* THE BAD: In 2 of the 3 versions out there, you have the "Scooby Doo Ending". Ugh.

* THE UGLY: Tie between Imon & Shatner kissing, and Valeris' hair.
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2) THE MOTION PICTURE (PT I)
* THE GOOD:The Motion Picture transcends "Star Trek" itself and becomes an awesome stand-alone science-fiction film. It's Star Trek all grown up and with a big budget.

* THE BAD:A bit slow-paced for the Masses who need an action scene every 10-min with stuff blowin' up real good.

* THE UGLY: New uniforms - apparently crewmembers don't wear underwear and the Enterprise is unfortunately a Sausagefest.
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1) THE WRATH OF KHAN (PT II)
* THE GOOD: It has almost everything you want in a Trek flick; magnificant villain, kickass space battles, Kirk being a badass, etc.

* THE BAD: While absolutely awesome, it is here the series gets "dumbed down" a bit. I argue you can have both smarts and action. A combination of Motion Picture and Khan would be perfect.

* THE UGLY: Me crying at the end, every single time. "The Ship...... out of danger?... The needs of the many outweigh [Kirk:" ....the needs of the few..."] .....or the one. I have been and always shall be your friend." *tear*

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Star Trek Week:
Wednesday: Found Trek Meets Wars
Tuesday: Tuesday Cosplay: Trekkies!
Tuesday: Stuff to Have
Monday: Favorite Enterprises


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*Generations is not listed because a)It's more of a Next Generation movie, b)Kirk goes out like a chump...both times! and c)The movie sucked.

10 comments:

Jim said...

Yes, I know Vixis is not Webster's foster mom....

Ma'am was portrayed by Susan Clark, and Vixis by Spice Williams-Crosby.

But I DID look it up just to be sure. :)

Andrew Glazebrook said...

Captain...life is not a dream !!!

Unkiedev said...

Jim, you are out of your Vulcan Mind. What the heck, did you go mad from staring at the Medusan Ambassdor or something? Star Trek 1 is the Second best of the motion pictures?

That thing's a snooze fest...a well intentioned snooze fest, but a snooze fest none the less. You trippin' on spores?

6. Star Trek 5
5. Star Trek 6
4. Star Trek 1
3. Star Trek 4
2. Star Trek 3
1. Star Trek 2

I think your Katra must be misplaced in some aging country sawbones, because nobody could think Trek 1 is the second best of all time.

Norris said...

"The Voyage Home"....is that not set in 1986???????

Jim said...

Hey, Man, I stand by my list. The Motion Picture is fucking awesome! The Director's Cut is even better! It's more along the lines of 2001 than say Star Wars.

Norris, thanks for the catch. Yes indeedy, it was 1986. Got my wires crossed there.

Anonymous said...

Dude,,. STAR TREK, THE MOTION FEST is AWESOME. it's what we call,..A great SCI-FI. it is, in it's self the quenticential ( sp??) STAR TREK film. It deals with the "EXPLORING NEW WORLDS AND CIVILIZATIONS " and "REACHING OUT " themes.
A giant threat is coming to the planet,..new life form emerges in the end,..it deals with themes of what it is to be hum,an, what is to have purpose,...( als " IS THIS ALL I AM..",..you get a great look at Spock's psyche, Kirk is a quick witted cowboy, with Bones and Spoke serving as the two sides of his personality. It is a great FILM...... STAR TREK,..includes action and adventure,..isn't ABOUT action and adventure. It's about science, exploration, and the evolution of humanity.

Anonymous said...

i apologize for my crappy grammar, I just wrote that all quick like in a hastily attempt to defend what is a GREAT movie


:)

Unkiedev said...

I dunno. ST:TMP was a repeat of themes already expressed in TOS, and a visual attempt at cashing in on 2001.

I'm not saying it's not exciting because it's not the action packed special-effects ride Star Wars, or even Star Trek 2 is, I'm saying it's not exciting because it has long periods of nothing but establishing shots.

When 2001 spent time indulging in visuals it was either because:
A) No one had seen effects/Space visualized like that or
B) Kubrick was trying to create the sights and sounds of unknowable, inconceivable concepts such as Godhood, dimensional travel and instant evolution.

I respect you stand by your opinion, Jim, though if I were Monty Scott I might ask you " Laddy, Don't yea think you should ... rephrase that?"

Jim said...

Ha! Now, I'm not saying ST:TMP is the same as 2001 - they are two different movies, with two completely different direcortos.But they are more similar to one another than ST:TMP to its sequels.

I dig the long establishing shots in TMP.... although I will admit the introduction to the Enterprise at the beginning goes too loooong. :)

"Search For Spock", as a Film, feels thin and sloppy. "Voyage Home" is just barely a Trek film itself. And "Final Frontier" is just dreadful. So that's primarly why I have the ratings I do.

But even without III, IV and V, I still love TMP.

Give the old Director's Cut of TMP another try.... but you can fast fwd through the long Enterprise intro. ;)

dr. lazarus said...

I spewed my coffee at the Webster's Mom thing! LOL

The 1st Star Trek is slow but I like it once it gets going.

Nice post.