Wednesday, October 31, 2007

DOUCHEBAG OF THE DECADE: AVP-R DOUCHEBAGS

I want to cry. I also want to cockpunch some people and make them puke, then make them slurp it up and repeat. Just when I thought the news of the lame ass fucking Predalien in the shitty upcoming movie ALIENS VS PREDATOR: REQUIUM (aka "AVP-R", "AVP2", "Piece of Shit by Douchebags") couldn't get worse, I read this bullshit....

Moviehole.net reports that "the creature is not really a Predator/Alien hybrid. It’s an Alien that incubated inside a Predator, taking on some characteristics of the host body. (“It’s about 80 percent Alien, 20 percent Predator” say the douchebag filmmakers.) It has the Alien’s exoskeleton, acid blood, scorpion-like tail and inner tongue/striking mouth. On the Predator side, it has an additional Predator-like mandible, and an Alien-ized version of Predator “dreadlocks.” More significantly, its Predator DNA has changed the Alien’s method of procreation – instead of the creature’s traditional Queen – egg – face-hugger – chest-burster – adult cycle, the Predalien regurgitates chest-burster embryos… into the mouths of their victims.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!!! So if its just an alien that incubated inside the predator, then why the fuck does it now have a completely different life cycle? And really?....it fucking pukes a chestburster down your throat? Do these douchebags really think this is a good idea? Did they even WATCH the first ALIEN? Or the 2nd.... or 3rd... because they apparently have zero idea of the creature's life-cycle.... or zero clue as to what's a good idea and what's a horrible stupid lame idea.

This reminds me of MOTHER MAYHEM in the silly comic Savage Dragon, where she is a pregnant monster woman who slings her fetus-baby-monsters out of her uterus, still attached to their umbilical chords. I can picture it now, the Predalien running around projectile spewing chestbursters at people.

I am calling it now, in the next outing, the alien will have bat-wings and fly.... and breath fire..... and talk.... in slang.... and wear a hockey mask.GEORGE LUCAS, please come in and save the Alien franchsise!... anything you do will be an improvement!!!

I'm overwhelmed with hate.... pure, raging, biblical-level HATE.
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE
I called it
.

3 comments:

Dr Lazarus said...

" the Predalien regurgitates chest-burster embryos… into the mouths of their victims."

Holy Shyte! That's the worst idea I've ever heard. I feel your pain, Jim. I, too, am going to boycott this film on principle alone.

Love the Jar Jar pics!

crookymike said...

Yeah! I'd love to se Jar Jar getting ripped apart by Aliens. Or Predators. Or both.
YES! Set AVP3 on Naboo, theres your Lucas angle sorted!

Woobot said...

I don't really have to say this... but this is the biggest SMASH!!! I've ever seen on JimSmash... so I wont be going to see this one, in the name of the cause.