Friday, April 13, 2007


Remember back in the day... late 70s/early 80s.... where NINJAS were the coolest thing on the planet? Then the Douchebaggers who have power and influence in Hollywood jumped on the whole Ninja Bandwagon and rammed a plunger up its ass? Suddenly we had "TMNT", "3 NINJAS" and a slew of other bullshit "Ninja" (I use the word loosely) themed movies. What was once proud and cool was now a joke. Leave it to us Americans to destroy an institution's reputation that's survived for centuries all in the name of quick cash. Well, Ninjas went away after that, thank the Gods. Recently, they've surfaced again and were cool. But like my daily 3 o'clock dump, all things are cyclical. Behold the upcoming movie: NINJA CHEERLEADERS.
"April, Courtney and Monica are three beautiful, intelligent and tough college freshmen who are finishing their first semester at Los Lornas Malas Community College, the armpit of community colleges. They must do well on finals to gain admittance to an Ivy League University, cheer at the big game, and rescue their Sensei (who has been kidnapped by the mob) all by midnight so they can compete in all-city strip off with the hopes of winning money for college tuition. Along the way they are faced with dodging a nosy cop,keeping their parents at bay, dealing with a perverted coach and smiling, talking or fighting their way through a slew of odd characters."
I fucking hate Hollywood a bit more with each passing day.


Anonymous said...

Longer comment pending as soon as blinding rage subsides. Ninjas suck? Ninjas suck?!!!
powdered swords in your coffee, kuroda.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm gonna need to hear some examples of "quality" ninja films you're referring to. Not Enter the Ninja AWESOMENESS. Enter the Ninja is a wretched movie, but AWESOME at the same time.
If there's some totally great ninja movie I'm not aware of, please fill me in.
Plus the Cheerleader movie looks brilliant.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha.....God is this a real movie, or something that shows up at midnight on "Skinimax".
-seriously wtf. did they brilliant minds behind this just do a round robin...

producer-"hey, ..what tdo you think is cool??"

exec #1- "uhhh I like strippers"

exec #2- "we need to asppeal to the youth market, how about high school students"

exec#3-"yea,..we can show the whole highschool scene...teachers, stress from tests, gym class...the whole nine yards"

exec #4-"cheerleaders. everyone loves cheerleaders, and those 'Bring it On' movies are great"

exec#5-" we gotta have some kick ass fight sequences,...everyone loves kung Fu. make sure they take karate classes"

exec#5-" Ninja's!!!,..make them ninjas. they're a hot topic right now"

exec#6-" we have to have a positive influene,..make them smart,.... going to college"

exec#7- " an Ivy league school,..that way they'll be taken seriously"

exec#8- " and the Mob. everyone loves mob movies,..we gotta put tthem in there....."

producer- "brilliant....this thing wil write it's self"

Anonymous said...

This is already called "Cheerleader Ninjas," this sounds like a rip off of that, which was realyyyyyyyyy bad that it couldn't even be called a "b" movie.

Jim said...

dylan, dylan dylan.... you are misinterrupting me here....

THEY are making the word and concept "NINJA" into something laughable again.

I love Ninjas (hel-lo, heritage....) which is why it pains me so to see idiots drag it through the mud.

....or maybe I've been hanging out with Pirates too much this year.

Anonymous said...

-ye best not be talkin ill bout ye Pirates........

-remember,.Han Solo was a pirate :)

Anonymous said...

(opening whole can of worms)
Ummmm....Maker, (or should I say Maykerr, you miss-spelling-name-bastard)Han Solo....not a pirate. Smuggler; there's a difference.
Shut down!