Monday, January 19, 2009

"...YOU SAVED THE EARTH" (IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE)

Speaking of Galactica....

Watching ALIEN: RESURRECTION in the theater for the first time was one of the most dreadful, depressing experiences of my fucking life - just ask my wife, who still gives me shit about my post-movie-watching behavior .

I won't go into my loooooong angry tirade of why the movie is shit...

but hey, it could have been worse!

Here is the unused alternate ending to it...


Oh man....

Again, I won't go into my rant, but here's an excerpt from SISKEL & EBERT's review of the movie that cracked me up:
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SISKEL: "Boy, it wore me out VERY quickly... I felt as I walked out that I had ENDURED an experience, certainly not enjoyed it."

EBERT: [irate] "...Those aliens seem to be able to reproduce themselves at will - to grow into tons and tons of alien biomass - despite apparently no food!-And they are able to attack, at will, go anywhere they want to, and yet they're so dumb they are always defeated! You'd think eventually they'd win!!!

SISKEL: "I hate to see a 1st class brain - yours - talk about this movie to the extent you just did. You're wasting your neurons, my friend."
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Ha! Reading JimSmash would have made Siskel's brain explode!

8 comments:

SPACE CADET MULON said...

woot?!
did they reallllly wanted to use this crap?! is that for real?!

Andrew Glazebrook said...

Johner says in Alien Ressurection "Earth, man. What a shithole." Yet when we see the Earth from high orbit it has blue sea's white clouds and looks fine to me, though it shouldn't,The Making of Alien: Resurrection states the Auriga is 12000 feet long.

I found this online - It also interesting to note that a ship the size of the Auriga would cause cataclysmic damage if it crashed into Africa at full speed. A 200 ft rock is supposed to have exploded over Tunguska in Siberia in 1908 causing incredible damage (if it had been a populated area, hundred of thousands would have been killed). Ripley comments that Call has ‘saved the world’, but if something the size of the Auriga (about 60 times larger than the Tunguska rock) hit the Earth we’d be talking about an explosion of Armegeddon level proportions and ‘adios muchachos’. One possible explanantion is that Call programmed ‘Father’ to slow the ship down to a less destructive speed before it crashed.

Jim said...

Nice!

dr lazarus said...

Wow. And YES, it could have been much much worse.

SPACE CADET MULON said...

worst, eh?
how aboat ripley rapes winona?

Andrew Glazebrook said...

In the original screenplay Ripley fights the Newborn on the outside of the Betty in High Atmosphere, when the Betty lands Ripley takes what can best be described as a Combined Harvester off the Betty, she fights and hacks the Newborn to bits with that !!

Jim said...

Someone actually just gave me the original screenplay, just the other day! I'll have to flip through it.

Wow, the climax is Ripley in a mechanical device fighting a large Alien we've never seen before? How original! Almost as original as her sending the alien out through the airlock (3x now!!)

Andrew Glazebrook said...

I think they should send the Alien to Detroit :)